Germaine Greer and the tale of the big bum

So Germaine Greer has caused some controversy by criticising Julia Gillard’s choice of jackets while on the TV show Q&A, saying that they’re obviously cut too small around the hips: “You’ve got a big arse, Julia. Just ‘get on with it’!” This has caused outrage amongst some folks who feel that as a feminist, Germaine Greer shouldn’t be insulting other women’s bodies.

A post over at Mammamia states: “An Australian feminist icon, a woman who is rightly described as an academic, an intellectual, a trail-blazer, a woman who has spent decades fighting and arguing and agitating for the rights of women goes on national TV and mocks the size of our Prime Minister’s arse…that one comment, that one cheap shot, that one moment when Greer decided that it was okay to criticise a woman based on her size, saw everything Greer has fought for over the past thirty years unravel like the yarn of an ill-fated scarf.”

REALLY? So everything Germaine Greer has done for women’s rights is now IRRELEVANT because she commented on the size of the PM’s dress wear and her bum?

Firstly, everyone knows Julia Gillard wears terrible jackets. It’s an objective fact.

IF the only thing Germaine Greer had to say about Julia Gillard was to do with her looks and her figure then I could see where the anger comes from. I do not think that women’s bodies should be put up as conversational fodder that otherwise distracts from their intelligence, achievements and so on. But the fact is she didn’t sit there and belittle Ms Gillard, reducing her to nothing but a body (or fashion sense) worth of criticism – she made a humorous observation about Julia Gillard’s terrible, terrible jackets. The bum thing was incidental as far as I can glean.

In the video below you can see that Germaine Greer lists many things about Julia Gillard that are positive only to say ‘I wish she’d get rid of those bloody jackets’. This could be seen as undermining her previous comments, or it could be taken as a humorous comment meant to undercut Germaine’s own seriousness. Now I am not of the opinion that you can say ‘It’s just a joke – get over it’. Humour can be very damaging and has been used throughout time to degrade, humiliate and belittle not only individuals but entire groups of people – women, people of different races, people who are disabled etc. What I did not get from this humorous comment (I won’t call it a joke) was that it was spiteful or designed to make Julia Gillard into a figure of ridicule.

There certainly is an unfortunate and disproportionate amount of attention paid to the way women present themselves in politics. I remember seeing political commentators commenting on Hillary Clinton’s wrinkles when she was running for office. It was shameful. But for some reason I do not feel that Germaine Greer’s comment is a part of that culture. Perhaps it is because of who Germaine Greer is and what she has done for women’s rights, or maybe it’s purely the context – but even though I am usually very sensitive to the issue of women’s rights and am very cautious about how humour is used in relation to women, I just do not feel that these comments fit the sexist bill.

And this is mainly because, and this is something I can’t stress enough, Germaine Greer didn’t criticise Ms Gillard’s bum. She said that it is big and that Ms Gillard should ‘get on with it’ – in other words, not worry about it and stop dressing like she wants to hide herself, ultimately to her own detriment. Pointing out that someone has a big bum isn’t an insult unless you mean it as one. If you immediately assume that ‘big bum’ is an insult, maybe it’s because you think having a big bum is a bad thing, which is more revealing about you than the person who made the comment in the first place.

General Softcock and his Mistress.

Here’s the first episode of some comedy sketches I helped to write. They’re all jokes about anal sex. Enjoy!!

General Softcock 1: The Governor’s Mistress

Holy Unhealthy Upbringing Batman!!

Looks like someone is holding a competition as to who can raise their child with the most misplaced values. Who will win?! Stay tuned.

I actually feel bad for the ‘human barbie’ mother. She’s obviously gone through some serious trauma (the photo of her with her face smashed in is goddamned horrific) and maybe this is her way of dealing with that and getting back some sense of control. But for fuck’s sake, don’t project it onto your kid. The message is so unhealthy. Not only the ‘you’re not good enough as you are’ message, but also the ‘your only value lies in your looks’ message. This woman is deliberately raising a superficial twat. I mean just look at that kid. She’s 7 and I want to punch her in the face. But then I guess I’d be the bad guy. The police can be so finicky sometimes.

Having said that, I feel bad for the mansion buying Dad too, seeing as his wife died when the girl was 5 and, hey, maybe he doesn’t know how else to fill the void that would have left in his kid’s life. But in reality I don’t think he’s doing her any favours.

Now having said that, I would very much like a mansion please, if someone could buy me one. Rest assured that if someone were so generous I would put the mansion to good use. I would have separate rooms for each of my different nail polish colours and then when people would come over and ask if they can sleep the night, I’d say “Sorry, all the rooms are taken” and show them each of the little nail polish bottles tucked up in their king sized beds.

It’s a lifestyle choice. Don’t judge me.

image source, image source

P-p-p-please be a piss-take.

Well I haven’t posted in a while because I’m…lazy? Yes. Yes, because I’m lazy. I know I’ve let down my readership dreadfully and I feel super bad about it. I would apologise but I can’ t be bothered. (Just kidding – sorry, Mum.)

Anyway, to make it up here is my Christmas gift to you. I don’t know if this song is meant to be a joke but for the sake of my own mental health I choose to believe that it is. I need to believe it.

According to Almay, Black people either don’t exist or shouldn’t get to win prizes.

Kim Kardashian and black guys. Who gives a fuck?

This is not going to be a post bashing Kim Kardashian, or making a judgement about her obviously fake wedding (bazing!).

I honestly don’t care enough about Kim Kardashian to form a cogent opinion on her and her celebrity. Other smarter and funnier people have deconstructed her ‘brand’ (or just her, I don’t know anymore) much better than I ever could.

The only thing I really have to say about this whole divorce business is the prevalence of “Kim likes black guys” jokes that have been swimming around lately. Like SNL’s sketch (which is hilarious by the way) that said that Kris was only half the man Kim wanted because he was half black. Or the fake twitter account pretending to be Kris Humphries that deadset cannot stop making jokes like “In the week since announcing our divorce, Kim has been rammed senseless by more black dudes than the Colts’ offense”, or “People say Kim’s in hiding. I think she’s just catching up on all the black cock she missed out on while we were married” or “I’m painting my penis black in hopes that Kim will take me back “.

Now, maybe I’m being uptight (it wouldn’t be the first time) but is it really such a big deal that Kim has had sex with/dated black men? Is it such big news that these are the jokes people are coming out with? I don’t know if I’m missing some kind of point or if this is all part of the whole “white men being unable to deal with black men ‘taking our women’” thing (which I just read about here the other day). Then again, Kim is part Armenian so maybe this doesn’t fall into that category.

Fucked (by a black guy) if I know.

It doesn’t even really rankle me, I just think it’s boring and pointless.

Anyway, like I said, I might be missing something because I don’t really ‘keep up with the Kardashians’ (O-HO-HO!) but everytime I hear one of those jokes I just think…she’s fucked/dated black dudes…get the fuck over it.

Oh and then I feel like using phrases like “racial fetishism” because I can kind of be a wanker sometimes. But you get what I mean.

Well this is…unfortunate.

Tell me, dear reader. What do you think of when you see this:

I would suggest that after you struggle to keep down the last thing you ate, you think about foreskins. You know. The penis kind. I would also suggest that you think about an unpleasant male genitalia smell and the uncomfortable feeling of having an itchy anus.

You might also be wondering where that guy’s balls have gone but that’s besides the point.

I saw this on my way to work. I was taken aback to say the least. There’s something about the combination of seeing ’4SKINS’, the question above the undie line that says ‘HAVE YA GOT ONE?’ and then the words ‘ODOUR CONTROL UNDERWEAR’, that is especially nauseating. Particularly as those words appear to be floating out of the underwear model’s anus like an oddly articulate fart.

Naturally, I assumed that this brand was drawing a connection between having a foreskin and an off-putting smell in your under carriage. So now the idea in my mind is of someone whose abominably bad hygeine practices has caused their foreskin to become some festering cess pool of unsavoury scents. Both a gross and niche market.

What didn’t come to mind was the promotion of racial harmony and diversity. But according to the 4skins website, that’s what this is all about.

“4SKINS as the name suggest [sic] is a cheeky underwear brand with a strong emphasis on comfort and alluring designs. The mission statement of 4SKINS is that it is a brand that unites all the different skin colours of mankind – be it white, black, yellow or brown. Here at 4SKINS we were inspired by both the diversity and the unification of cultures that we enjoy in our daily lives.”

Oh. Yeah…I dunno. Firstly, I’m still thinking about foreskins. Mainly because you keep saying it. Secondly, the 4 different skin colours of humanity seems unusual to me- particularly as your choice of models would suggest that white = anglo-saxon people, black = african people, yellow = asian people and brown = mediterranean people. I feel offensive just typing that out because it’s all so wrong.

(See 4:00)

Ignoring that weirdness, the intention is all very lovely. I’m not sure how odour control underwear is supposed to help promote inter-racial unity between the browns, yellows, blacks and whites…ugh. Ok. Does anyone else see the problem here? I know they’re referring to skin colour (but still- right?) and not ‘groups’ of people…but they kind of are because of how they represent it through their models.

Left to right: white, brown, yellow, black. Sigh. I feel racist and aroused. So confusing.

The strangeness of it has made me feel all weird and squiggly (and it’s not the first time foreskins have made me feel that way- HEYOOOOO!)

So I guess now I have a choice to make. I can either think of these undies as the catchers of foreskin smell, or I can think of them as well-intentioned but misguided maybe a little bit kind of racist underwear maybe sort of I’m not really sure.

Also, what about people without foreskins? Are they excluded from the love-in? Are you anti-Semitic and anti-Muslim, 4skins??? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS?

Probably not. But I like to throw around outrageous accusations.

Just in case 4skins do want to change their marketing strategy to make it less weirdly racist but at about the same level of gross, I have a solution for them.

I feel that my subjective conception of the perception of relativity is deconstructed by the questioning of this interrogative negotiating which challenges social norms through it’s portrayal of the subjective conception of the perception of relativity.

I love shiny things. I love them so much that if I’m driving and I see something shiny on the road, I immediately think it’s probably a really pretty piece of jewellery that someone lost and that fate wants me to have. Even after I slow down and realise that no, it’s actually just the tab from a soft drink can, I kind of still want to wear around my neck.

That is how much I love shiny things and the ability to wear them on my body.

I continually struggle between my innate and powerful desire to decorate my face in crystals and my knowledge that I’m not pretty enough to pull it off and that it kind of makes me look like a douchebag.

Although this is nice and subtle.

I also love all things kitsch (don’t worry, this isn’t just a post about things I love. I’m building to something here.) I love retro, funky, obscure stuff. So naturally, with my love for shiny, weird stuff, I love Oye Moderne and it’s wacked out jewellery. Sure, it’s retardedly expensive, but hey- it’s fun to look at.

Ring shaped like a vinyl record player? Check. Necklace that looks like a pencil shaving? Check mate. A ring that looks like the silhouette of a ring? We’re not even playing chess anymore because you just blew my fucking mind.

But Oye Moderne’s most recent addition to their over priced shop of awesome just made me laugh out loud with complete derision. Not half derision. Complete.

Check it out:

Yep. That’s….that’s a necklace with the clasp at the front. For $120.

Hmmmm.

The ‘design’ for this was ‘inspired’ by Luna Seo’s devil-may-care attitude, her hatred of convention and her daring to question…why necklace clasps have to be at the back: “Why do we hide the most important?”

That’s a good question Luna. You’re like the Calvin Klein of necklaces. Either that or she’s like the retarded bride of Michael Bluth.

The website says that “The 925 stamp that is usually printed in tiny font on the tag to indicate sterling silver, takes prominence and celebrates the material composition of the necklace.”

Profundity.

Which is fancy, big city talk for: this is made out of sterling silver and that’s really…all we have.

So you could buy this celebration of the deconstruction of our own assumptions regarding social ritual and the ability to question ourselves and our own subjetive conception of ‘front’ and ‘back’.

OR

P-time in the V-town

Well this is an incredibly belated post that I’ve been meaning to put up for ages.

Basically, I have some very exciting news courtesy of fellow Regretsy follower and Etsy seller ‘Autumn’s Antics’.

Inspired by my post ‘Got Milk, Fuckpants?‘ Autumn has awesomely cross-stitched the now famous (in my mind) phrase “I am just psycho when it’s P-time in the V-town” into a sampler that can be proudly hung on your wall at home- reminding everyone of what a rabid, crazy bitch you are when your lady troubles are around.

I cannot express how much I truly love this. Somehow I managed to miss it being sold in AprilsArmy‘s shop (Regretsy’s Etsy charity shop) and so now I weep and weep that I cannot own it.

I am thinking that perhaps I will simply pester Autumn to make me another one so that I can hang it on my wall as an homage to myself and how great I am. I mean sure, I already have a mirror, but that only reflects my visual magnificence. I think I need something to reflect the majesty of my thoughts and words without wallpapering my room with print outs of my blog posts like I know so many of you already have.

Anyway, even though this is no longer for sale I just wanted to thank Autumn for being a super-awesome and unique snowflake of a human being and to acknowledge the greatness of her cross stitching skills.

You can check out Autumn’s shop on etsy here (she sells some truly great stuff): http://www.etsy.com/shop/autumnsanticsstore

She is also available for your fan-like awe on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/#!/AutumnsAntics

Here is the listing for the sampler, with more pictures and general greatness: http://www.etsy.com/listing/80630637/p-time-in-v-town-framed-cross-stitch

Thanks again, Autumn. Once gay marriage is legalised in Australia I think we should get hitched. Then, once our periods are in synch, we can be psychopaths together to the point that the local newspaper ends up dedicating a monthly section to our violent domestic disputes, naked rampages through town and various other acts of disturbing irrationality.

Until then, I shall love you from afar.

Awww isn’t that stupid and pointless!

This sappy piece of shit is floating around tumblr today:

Unfortunately the person writing this forgot to add in:

- learn how to write like I’ve mastered my basic motor functions

- not be a douchebag anymore

The only things that don’t sound horrible on this list are gelato, movies and cuddling.

I’m guessing that at the bottom of this list there’s a point crossed out that says “write a list of ridiculous, random crap that makes me seem whimsical, romantic and fun but in reality is highly impractical nonsense that only fairies tripping on LSD would want to do”.

I’ve given it a try myself and I think I’ve done pretty well.

This is way too easy. Here’s another one.