One of the most confusing spambot emails I’ve ever received (and my reactions).


“oh wow how have u been? I know we havent chatted in a while! totally my fault.. this computer im using freezes all the time. i have tired ot email you a few times with no luck.. ach! sooo sorry.. so whats been up? i am finally moving near you in a couple days..”


Oh wow! Hey you…I’ve been sort of fine since that one time we met once. I can’t remember your name though- was it akte? Or maybe hselley?


“i hope u didnt forget me? its me amdison lol..”


Amdison! That’s it!


“in case u DID forget, we met on ms or cl not long ago.. so im gonna be living right near you and i dont know ANYBODY OMG SHOOT ME! i have my uncle and aunt there but thats not the same.. so can u show me around? help me find a job lol..”


You’re getting a little demanding for someone I once met on Mount Sinai or Canadian Library all that time ago, Amdison.


“i get there next friday late afternoon.. im gonna nee dyour cell number – im recently single too so u can take me out and show me some real fun * wink wink * hahahha!”


Hahahaha! Oh man, I forgot how funny you are. I’m sorry I was cranky just then. Fun is funny. I can understand why you wouldn’t want your Aunt and Uncle taking you out for funny fun. Funny fun is just for us girls!


“so anyways im soo nervous about moving. its a load off my back that im gonna know someone there though. so i am happy we met online hehe :)”


Ohhhhh! Online! I must have been thinking about a different Amdison.


“since i wont know anyone maybe u could also introduce me to some of you friends? are they nice? i am cool with gurls and guys lol.. guess u could say i am bisexual but whatever what girl isnt these days..”


So true. My Mum says that all the time lol.


“so back to YOU… remind me what u do for work? for fun? what are your hobbies and what do you like sexually?”


You don’t remember me at all! I told you all about this before and you said “baby baby, I love that sex, so horny wet- wanna cum c me?” and then I said “mmm yeah, you’d like that” and you said “enter your cc details so I no ur 18” and I was all “what?” and then you said you were rubbing your ‘big breats’ and I got confused and logged off. How could you forget that moment between us?!


“SO I kinda think we should chat a little bit more before we meet. just to make sure we are not awkward and stuff.  as i mentioned i recently broke up with my ex. we were together for about 6 months but there was too much drama and my friends and fmaily hate dhim. he had no job and was quite disrespectful.. was also pretty lousy in bed.. i like foreplay and he always just wanted to go right to sex.. at least get me wet first ya know? selfish idiot.”


Wow, I’m so glad we’re chatting before we meet up- this is less awkward. I mean, I wouldn’t want to accidentally put my foot in it by saying something like “You know what’s great? How much my ex liked foreplay before sex” Or “I don’t like being wet first, ya know?” Ugh! So glad we avoided that minefield! Best friends forever!!


“so ur probably wondering how come i am moving right? well its a long story.. basicly i am broke for starters.. add to that the fact that i need to go back to school AND the fact that i ned a fresh start and there u go.. which practice I could not then conceive the meaning.”




“so here is some random stuff about me. i love star gazing, the outdoors, porn, foreplay, massages, the internet, shopping, doing my nails, sex, cooking, and watching movies. came a deathly, sickly odour, the odour of old earth newly turned.”




“As for my current job doesnt pay that well but coming from where I lived it was my only real option. I am sure I told u about it but if i didnt i really hope u dont look down on me for it and can accept me for who i am. See I do this webcam thing where I basicly get paid to chat to people on cam and tease around a bit..Anyways here is what i was thinking.. since my computer SUCKS and its hard for me to chat by email or instant messenger.. why dont u come chat me at my work site?”


As always I’d love to chat you, but are you sure it will work? I mean it’s weird that your computer SUCKS and doesn’t let you email but gives you a good enough video link up to make money taking your clothes off on webcam. I’ve never heard of anything like that before.


“its for YOU only baby i am trusting u.. YOUR EyeS BETTER ONLY BE ON ME hahahahha!!”


Hahahaha…ha…what…I’m not sure….


“does this work for u? DRACULA i understand if ur not cool with it..”


My name isn’t Dracula. If you were really Amdison you’d know that. Is this Hselley? It’s Hselley, isn’t it?


“its dead in here.. please come 😦 also.. u obvioulsy need a cc to sign into the site but thats just to prove u are not a minor…it says right on the vip link that its free since u are vip and u wont get billed anything.. ok im getting off here now.. im waiting for u baby. cant wait to see u and meet u and hug u and kiss u.. ciao for now.. xoxox”


I dunno, between you calling me Dracula and talking about the odour of dead earth, somehow I’m just not in the mood. But maybe once you move here and kill your Aunt and Uncle we can meet up for sexy fun bisexual play time open to whatever kinky spank sex maybe two guys at once good times? Or just coffee. Whatever works.



2 Comments on “One of the most confusing spambot emails I’ve ever received (and my reactions).”

  1. Pants says:

    “a deathly, sickly odour, the odour of old earth newly turned” is part of a sentence in Bram Stokers Dracula…. WTF was going on when that email was generated?

    • Ahhh- thank you! At least that gives some context to the ‘DRACULA’ part and I can be a little less weirded out. But only a little.

      Honestly, I was so confused when I got this email. Such an elaborate backstory just to try and interest someone in sex. I’d have thought ‘Hey, I have breasts- want to see them?’ would be enough for those inclined.

      Love your username, by the way.

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