This one’s for the ladies…

Women of the world, our time has finally come. Sound the trumpets, gather in the village square, and raise the flag – for it is truly a time of change. A time of celebration. A time of revolution.

What am I so excited about? Take a deep breath, cause it’s big…I have just heard that Fujistsu is bringing out a special laptop designed just for women!!!! Eeeeeeeee!!!!

If you thought that the Bic pen for women was the most amazing thing ever, then just wait til you hear about the ‘Floral Kiss’ range of computers that Fujitsu has in store for us!!

I mean, even the name, ‘Floral Kiss’, it just speaks to me. Women do like flowers and kisses!! Fujistu gets us, you guys!!

And wait until you hear how super pretty it is. Oh my god, are you ready? Ok. (Squeee!)

It has:

–        Gold trim

–        A flip latch designed for long fingernails

–        A power button shaped like a flower

–        A diamond cut crystal in the CAPS LOCK key

–        Crystals, crystals, crystals!

Oh my god, right? Is it just like totally, uuuhhhh! I have been waiting for this literally my whole life.

It’s totally not insulting or anything.

And let’s not forget its special features just for us – we’ve got digital scrapbooking, a personalised diary, aaaannndd….wait for it…..A DAILY HOROSCOPE!!!!!!!!!!

Something tells me the moon is in Jupiter because everything is just amazing right now.

I don’t think people realise how difficult it is to sit down every day at your desk and feel like you are being discriminated against by your own computer. How am I supposed to feel motivated to work if I can’t look at something pretty and sparkly? This is a huge problem for women.

I mean yes, ok, we’ve got equal rights and the vote and all that stuff, but what about our right to be surrounded by pearlescent and crystals? What about our right to have the outer world reflect our inner goddess?

I’ve often said how truly depressing it is to walk around the city and see all these totes ugly buildings with all these heaps sharp corners, and dark, angry colours just assaulting my daydreams about ponies and picnics. But I think this is a step in the right direction and I can only hope that it will set the tone for a new revolution in our society. No more phallically shaped buildings, no more browns and greys, just pretty, pretty pinks and lots of circles and flowers everywhere.

I want to feel safe like in a womb, not sad like in a tomb. Ok, you guys?

The only suggestion I have for Fujistsu about their design is that it doesn’t go far enough. They clearly haven’t considered how horrible the ‘clickedy clack’ sound of the keyboard is for female ears. I would like to suggest either a pleasing ‘ping’ sound, or maybe the chirruping of just the sweetest little birds.

Other features could include: an aromatherapy perfume regularly spritzing out at us; a ‘biological clock’ ticking away in the corner of the screen; love heart dots for ‘i’s; an hourly affirmation sent by email (something along the lines of “You are your own love-giver” superimposed over a photo of a woman I find relatable but aspirational meditating on top of a hill in her Lorna Jane outfit); and of course a little compartment coming off the side where I can keep my Special K.

But hey, I know it’s early days and these guys are trail-blazers (for my female readers that’s ‘blazers’ as in someone marking a path, not as in cute little jackets) so in the mean time all I have to say to Fujitsu is totally, totally, oh my gooood, and you are the best and thank you soooooooo much!!!!! Love hearts everywhere!!

(Oh and one more thought, can you change the name for the ‘mouse’ to ‘cute little cuddly kitten’ or something? Cause I’m scared of mice.

Thanks! Bye!!!)


14 Comments on “This one’s for the ladies…”

  1. Anonymous says:

    love it, love it, love it – send it to Fujistsu!

  2. Ovissheten says:

    Personally I think they should have included more bling. I mean HELLO, diamonds are a girl’s best friend, after all. DUH.

  3. G Val says:

    Do I detect a note of sarcasm?

  4. Karen says:

    AND pray tell, why would they not include the handsome man to carry it around for us ie the man-bag? Stupid. Just stupid.

  5. This is hilarious. I particularly like your suggestions to improve this lady computer. Why, I’m forever forgetting how long I’ve got on my biological clock!

    • Thank you! It’s definitely a problem for us ladies. I also think maybe a clock should be invented that counts up to the age when you can officially be declared a spinster. Great motivation to find a hubby!

  6. silvermoon3 says:

    “I want to feel safe like in a womb, not sad like in a tomb. Ok, you guys?”

    OMG. Nearly peed myself over that one (totes a prob for us wimminz, yo)! HA! Pure. Genius.

    I mean, the rest of the post was good but this… this was inspired. 😀

    So much so that I took the time to register or whatever, just to let you know. Thanks for the chuckles.

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